( soapbox ) drunk

[caipirinha]

(No idea how fucking gorgeous I find you, 'm only just realising it myself.) Stop looking at me like that, Mr. Mostly Sober. You- are never letting me drink like that again. Give you permission to take drinks from my hands and all, yeah? 'Cause 'm already feeling the hangover and you're not goin' to like it tomorrow morning. Is that a cab- ow. That could've been gentler, you arse. S'not like 'm making enough of a fool of myself as it is, right? Don't answer that, c'mere- least you can do is be a pillow if you're going to shove me 'round like that. No, no, there isn't a problem, this is my boyfriend, he's an idiot. Yeah I'm admitting you're my boyfriend, I can go back to saying that moron I end up in bed with all the time. Stop shushing me- yes, yes, inside voices, I know. Too quiet now? Tough shit. 'M going to tell you something, all right? An' don't interrupt, probably won't ever tell you again. No- 'm telling you 'cause I'm drunk, yeah, but s'no less true, so jus' listen, all right? 'Fore I completely lose the will to talk. Been spending a lot of time being angry at you for more or less no reason, but- s'kind of because you make me happy and fuck if I know what to do with being happy. S'not like 'm being all look at my tragic fucking life or anything, 'm just- used to being fine. Nothing more. Didn't need anything else, didn't look for it either. Suppose that's why you were such a bloody surprise. 'M not the type who trusts good things, y'know? Good things have ulterior motives or what the fuck ever, or catches, or some shit like that, but you don't. You haven't. Hope you still don't or I'll take your teeth out one by one- yeah, yeah, quieter, I know, stop bloody shushing me. 'M going to stop being angry. Or try. S'no point in hating you because I like anymore, 'cause hell if you're not going to care that I throw toasters and shit at you, then either you're just stupid enough or just serious enough, 'nd I dunno which it is yet, but- I think you're worth it, too. 'F I genuinely didn't like you, I dunno- you wouldn't get to me like you do. Wouldn't let you get away with it all. Wouldn't always let you win me over. 'Cause really I want you to, 'm sure you know it already, but 'm comfirming- well, sometimes. Sometimes I still think you're a fucking tit an' all I want to do is, I dunno, smash you head first into a wall, but 'm willing to forgive that. 'Cause you forgive me for my everythin', so we're even. Ugh, god, I hate alcohol. S'why I don't ever drink like that. Need to sleep- we almost back yet? --By the way, 'f I don't remember this in the morning, don't remind me. Might throw a toaster at myself. ('M just praying you won't one day up and lose patience with me, but fucking hell 'm not ever drunk enough to say that aloud.) Fuck stairs, you better be fucking carrying meeeEEEEAAHH! Fuck, I was joking, you twat! Put me the fuck down right now or I'll scream the bloody building down! Why the fuck do I put up with you again?